Musing on Motherhood…

Published August 1, 2013 by myagleny

Walking in the evening sun just now, it came to me that if I had chosen to live a life that experienced many facets of motherhood, I think I could say that’s exactly what I’ve done!

I’ve been a young mother and an old mother, a mother married to the father of my children, and a mother married to the stepfather of my children.  I’ve been a single mother for many long and lonely years, and a mother too scared to ever try again. I’ve had a child with cancer and a child who tested me beyond my limits with the power of their personality and anger, and I’ve had a child with autism who taught me how to live and love again.  I’ve parented a child with chronic fatigue and depression, a child involved with drugs and teenage pregnancy, and I’ve been there when my child was attacked by their father, and had to run away in the night to start all over again.

Sometimes I think it’s a miracle I’m not insane, but then again I think perhaps I am – a little. Sometimes I’m glad for it all because the experiences have made me who I am and I know without them I would only be a fraction of the person I am now. Sometimes, when I feel sorry for myself, I wish none of it had ever happened, and that my life had been as it once was; that I’d kept my well paid job in London and drifted into middle age, childless and wealthy, with nothing but time and money on my hands…

But mostly I forget about it all…  I go about my day, and to the best of my ability appreciate what I have.  I take care of business… and only sometimes, when the sun is setting and evening casts its long and thoughtful shadows through the woods, do I remember such things, and wonder…   

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